Couldn't update yesterday due to some connection problem on my lappy... But I can now :D

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Broken. Fear. Confused. Angry. Disappointed.
This are what I'm currently feeling after hearing what I'm not supposed to hear...
I will not specify what it is as it is a personal problem...
I just hope that it is not what I'm thinking.
I wouldn't want this to become positive...
I'm really scared but if it really happens, I think I would know what I'm supposed to do and I'm sure that me and my brother are matured enough to decide what is the best for us.
Obviously, I wouldn't want this nightmare to come true...
It's just... I don't know how to express this emotion that I'm currently thinking and facing...

I trusted you and if this is what I will get back after trusting you, I really really regretted the trust that I've placed in you...
Please...
If this is it... I don't mind.
But please, if this is broken, I just hope that we won't get to see you anytime...
Don't appear in front of us...

Dear Nightmare...
I beg you...
Please don't come true and I don't wish to face all the problems that will come...
I beg you please...
Sincerely begging you..
And 'you', please disappoint us and don't make this problem or nightmare that I call come true...
Sincerely,
XiaoQi

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Alrights, the above part may be curious to some of my readers...
I really can't bring myself to disclose this yet but when I have the courage to, I will.
I might.
It's just that I admit that I'm a really timid person when it comes to these kinds of things...
Maybe because I've watched too much drama and seen some of friends/relatives experiencing it...
All I wanted was just a peaceful and simple life.
That's all I ask for...
Is that really a difficult thing to achieve? Well, maybe.
It's just like my dream of becoming a barista who will bring happiness or sadness or enjoyment to the person who drinks that cup of coffee or any drink that they have ordered.
To me, the dream seems so far and difficult for me to achieve.
But all I know that, I can always works towards it and only giving up and letting it go when I know that I've tried hard enough and have put in all my effort in achieving the dream that I always wanted.

Yes, some dreams are impossible but always think on the positive side.
Thinking of positive side, I always tell my friends who have/are experiencing troubles/problems to look/think on the positive side...
But once it happens to me, I just can't bring myself to positive side.

Taking the day when we were suppose to collect our O Level result...
Evelyn told me that she is scared and nervous and I told her that she can make it and told her to look and think of the positive side. She, too, told me the same thing but only on the outside that I'm showing that I'm thinking on the positive side but in the inside, it's the opposite.
After knowing the result, she was satisfied with her result.
I broke down. That's the first time that I broke down because of results.
It hurts deep inside. It really does.
Guess this might be feeling that I will feel if the nightmare is to come true.

It just feels as though you have been betrayed by someone that you have trusted for so long but it turns out that they are just pretending to gain your trust and back-stab you once the time is ripe.
I have experienced this before too.
But, I know that does not hurts that bad because I had already guessed so that they will do this.

The current feelings are unexpected.
I did not expect it.
Neither did anyone of us.
It just came. Out of the blue. Unexpected surprise?!.
You name it, it might just fits to what I'm feeling and experiencing.

This has just left a very bad impact on my life....

Shall end this post here. Sorry the super long post about what I'm feeling instead of the normal updates where I will update all the things that happened int he day itself.

Preview of my nest post: KPOP readers!! Get ready for the next post as it's gonna be KPOP PART2!!! Who's excited? But I won't tell you who are the next three idols... So look forward to it :)

Leave some comments for me ya :)
LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!! <3

Replies to comment-ters :
@Wei Lun : Sorry to keep ya waiting :) It's up now... As promised, no pictures is included and it's just quite a long post filled with words :) Haha... Have been stalking yours too :)  A great blog skin you have there :D

Written by XiaoQiii at 04:59 | 0 XOXO{s}